Merry Jo-HO-HO-ker
by HowlynMad
Summary: Batman. The Joker. Holiday season. What could possibly go wrong? Stand-alone from a series of stories that follow TDK canon but with the added plotline that Bruce/Joker are brothers.


Title: **Merry Johohoker**  
Category: Movies » Batman Begins/Dark Knight  
Author: HowlynMad  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: K+  
Genre: General/Family  
Published: 08-25-08, Updated: 08-25-08  
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,558

**Chapter 1: Chapter 1**

A one shot from my Family Obligations series of stories on Batman/Joker as brothers. There are a few references to the rest of the story but nothing that would detract from this as a stand-alone. This is post TDK and follows that storyline as canon.

Merry Jo-ho-ho-ker

"Well, this is awk..wward. I don't usually get tripped up by security systems. I should have known you'd have something extra," the clown sighed lightly.

"I thought it in my best interest, all things considered." Bruce inched his way forward, his eyes darting all around the room. His body tensed in anticipation of attack. "What are you doing here?"

The Joker looked suddenly uncomfortable. "Well, uh," he motioned towards the ornate Christmas tree that stood in the corner of the room. "I brought you a present."

"Excuse me?"

"A p.r.e.s.e.n.t," the Joker over-enunciated. "As in Christmas? You're not a scrooge, are you?"

Bruce just stood there, dumbfounded. "You want me to believe that you broke in here… to leave me a Christmas present?"

Joker nodded and brought his arms up wide. "Yeahhhh."

Bruce looked over to where a massive, ornately decorated, tree stood proud. There was now a purple and green wrapped present beneath it. This was not happening. "You want to kill me on Christmas? That's low, even for you."

"What?" Joker asked confused. "Oh! No, no, no. I'm not trying to kill you, just give you a present," he smiled at his accomplishment. "TA DAAA."

Bruce crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm going to kick your ass."

Joker raised his hands. "Seriously, Bats. No killing involved, I swear. Look." Joker sidled over to the tree, keeping one eye on Bruce. He gingerly picked up the box and held it out to his brother.

"Go ahead and o..pen it," he motioned to Bruce. "I made it myself."

Bruce scowled, "It's ticking."

"Yeah," Joker giggled. "Don't worr..y about that, just give a tug on the bow."

Bruce looked from his brother to the box and back, "How stupid do you think I am?"

The clown raised a single brow then sighed. "Geez, it's not a bomb. I mean, I'd be blowing myself up too if I did that, now wouldn't I."

"Not helping to convince me, Jack."

"You_ are_ a scrooge." Joker pulled the box tight to his chest. "I should have known. Ok... ok... I promise, it's nothing fatal." Jack shook the box lightly. "See, um, harmless."

Bruce shook his head. "Now, I know you're lying. Nothing having to do with you is harmless."

"Will you get... a... grip." Joker chastised. "Do you really think... I would kill the Batman in such a plebian manner? I have more respect for you than that Bats. Come on, give me some credit. I promise when you die, it will be in a befitting manner. Ok? Feel better now?"

"Not especially." As crazy as it might sound, he believed Jack when he said he wouldn't just kill him in any old way. He had a code of sorts, twisted as it might be. The Joker's gift was probably safe... enough, he supposed.

Joker held out the box again. "Go ahead and take it."

Jack looked particularly pleased with himself. That just couldn't be good, Bruce thought. He took a cautious step forward.

"And don't even think about trying to make a grab for me. I'm armed to the teeth," the Joker smirked. "You're not wwear..ing body armor. Tends to even the playing field," the threat in his tone, implicit.

Bruce acknowledged him with a quick nod, "You know, I'd really like to learn that mind reading trick of yours. It would come in handy."

"It cerrtainly does," Joker drawled.

He tentatively reached out and took the box from his brother. This was such a bad idea. "What is it?"

"Do you understand the concept of Christmas at all?" Joker questioned.

"Do you? I'm concerned about what your idea of Christmas cheer might entail. It's not a severed head, is it?"

"Did you have someone in mind?" Joker grinned evilly.

"No!"

"Just o..pen the damn box. I'm starting to think, you're stalling." Joker's eyes sparked deadly. "You didn't alerrt the police, now, did you? This could go from pleasant.. to ugly in a heartbeat."

"All right, all right. Just relax, I didn't alert anyone. It's just you and me." Bruce turned the small box over in his hands. He swallowed hard. Jack's grin had returned. "Ok, fine, I'm opening."

He began unwrapping his present.

The box exploded outward with a loud pop. Confetti and colorful bits of string sprayed the air. Bruce sucked in air with a loud gasp. He should have known better, Hell, he did know better.

Joker was bent over, whooping in laughter. "HA, HA, HA! That was priceless!"

"Get out!" Bruce thundered.

"Oh, come on, now," Joker cajoled. "Don't be that way. I told you it wasn't a bomb and it wasn't. It's Christmas, it's ok to smillle you know. Man, you are a tightass."

"Thinking I was about to be blown to hell isn't particularly funny to me," Bruce hissed through clenched teeth.

"Huh. Interr…resting that you assume you'd go to Hell," Joker responded speculatively.

Bruce scowled. He'd walked into that one.

"Aren't you going to finish opening your gift?" he motioned to the now open box. Joker attempted an innocent expression which only made the painted man look more terrifying.

"I think, I've had enough surprises for the night. Thanks. So, if you're done having fun..." Bruce glanced down and noticed that there was something in the bottom of the box. A small, worn, leather book. It looked like an old scrapbook or photo album. It was ragged and torn. Someone had glued pictures and newspaper articles to the cover. They were yellowed and crumbling. "What is this?"

Joker clapped his purple gloved hands together, "Open it and see."

He knew, he'd probably regret it, but curiosity got the better of him. Bruce plucked the book from the box and turned it over in his hands. It looked like something a child decorated... or maybe a madman. He looked at his brother, questioning.

Joker rolled his eyes, "Open it."

Bruce opened the book to the first page and read the inscription. It read, **To Bats, my best enemy, Chaos loves company, Joker.** Disturbing, to say the least, but apparently, it was some sort of attempt by his brother to reach out to him.

He turned the page. Whatever was in the album originally was long since gone. There were glue marks and stains that left faint outlines, like ghosts of the past. And someone, he assumed his brother, had drawn some violent and disturbing cartoons along with lewd commentary. He didn't even want to hazard a guess as to why Joker thought that this would make a good gift to him.

"Keep go...ing." Joker rolled his hand in a circle. He rocked from side to side in restless anticipation.

Bruce flipped through the pages to the middle of the book and stopped up short when he found a small faded image glued to the center of the page. He blinked incredulously once, twice, and his mouth fell open. His eyes wide, he stared at the Joker's "gift". "This can't be..."

"I re…memberred when I was staying here... you told me, you only had the one. I thought, you might like to have another." Joker shrugged. "It's different from the one you showed me."

He couldn't believe what he was seeing. "Where... where did you get this?"

The Joker stepped closer. "You want the truth?"

Bruce nodded, unsure of his voice.

"I don't know. I didn't even know I had it. It was in an old box of junk that turned up. I burned everything… but this. For some reason, I thought you should have it. You seemed so attached to the other one. So, I saved it for Christmas. You like?"

Bruce closed his eyes. When he opened them, they were bright with unshed tears. He cleared his throat. "I like it very much. Thank you."

The clown's sly grin returned. "You are such a wuss."

Bruce chuckled along with his brother. "Only when it comes to you, apparently." He stared intently at his greatest enemy and his only family. "You know, I think this is the best gift I've had in a long, long time."

"Yeah ok, now you're just embarrassing yourself," Joker scoffed. "I'm leaving."

"Oh. You sure?" Bruce now stood well within striking distance of the clown, his expression just the faintest bit… hopeful.

The Joker looked at him oddly and shrugged, "What would you have us do? Hold hands and sing carols? Let's just call this one good, shall we? No blood or death, just this once... consider it another gift." Joker turned to go.

"Jack?" The Joker paused, turning just enough to look over his shoulder. "Think maybe, you're mellowing in your old age?"

"Ha, ha," his brother mouthed. "Check with me again when I'm thirty."

Bruce nodded, his expression rueful. "Too bad. I kinda like this version of the Joker."

Joker's head dropped, he looked up through hooded eyes. "I wouldn't get used to it, if I were you. People have died for far less," his tongue slid around his lips.

Bruce sobered quickly. "I wouldn't forget that, believe me."

"That's morre like it." Joker smiled sweetly and waved. "Merry Christmas... Bro."

Bruce watched him climb out the window. He wouldn't be chasing the Joker tonight. He looked down at the old beat-up book with the single picture in it. The picture of a young boy and his baby brother.

"Merry Christmas, Joker."

END

I wanted to add more of the correct intonation to the Joker's "voice" in my stories, so you will see the drawn-out words and oddly stressed/accented words and tones. His manner of speech is so odd, it's difficult to properly convey but I think it's better now.

If anyone is interested in reading the Family Obligation series... (some of which is posted here) it's an endless rambling epic LOL (I have about a hundred pages on my computer) that I post in randomly at zagethe dot livejournal dot com. I am actively writing in *The Discovery* and *Daddy Dearest* at the moment.

My mind is seldom linear...


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